I think my vagina is haunted
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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