I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize