i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's like iHOP with fire
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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