I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
