someone get that fucking seahorse.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
