the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
