My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
