I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
