I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
