If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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