After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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