Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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