For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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