I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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