My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
