umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
