I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
