Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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