we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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