I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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