you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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