Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
