I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.