I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and she was petting her beer can
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.