it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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