When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
