So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
