Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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