tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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