Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
false alarm. still invincible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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