Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
