I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
