Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
