and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
