so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want her autograph on my taint
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
