i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize