I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
