he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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