I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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