Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
