So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
