Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
