he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's blow job season.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
