If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
