apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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