I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
