Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize