Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize