It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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