There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
