so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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