Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
