my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize