I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
