Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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