That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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