She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Alive.
So much puke
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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