I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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