i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
