I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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