thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
