My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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