Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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