Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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