I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
