You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.