yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
