its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.