david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
