They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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