She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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