Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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