I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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