R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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