so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
